


The Strength to Move Forward

by AllysonDark



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Beth Lives, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:00:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6584284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllysonDark/pseuds/AllysonDark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Beth hadn't stepped over the edge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Beth paces the platform as her mind races, lungs screaming for air with each panicked gasp that tears through her raw throat. Tears stream down her face while she tries to grapple with the slideshow of failures running through her head, sending wave upon wave of anxiety crashing over her. Everything that had happened in the last few months, the case, the therapy, Paul...she had to get away, she had to leave, the pressure was just too much. She couldn’t hold everything together much longer.

The train wasn’t too far off, the massive steel monster sent vibrations through the tracks and into the concrete. The warning whistle that cuts through the air sends a sort of calm over her, she turns toward her things she had left on the platform; a bag with a few days’ worth of clothes and her heels which she had kicked off as soon as she felt a blister forming on the ball of her foot. She looked up from the items to look for the train lights when she saw her. The darker version of herself, the same face framed with a messy mane, eyes rimmed with kohl, body encased in leather.

 “Are you fucking kidding me...” She murmurs to herself, all the panic from moments ago comes flooding back, sending her mind into a haze. Their eyes lock for a moment as everything Beth had been fighting for seems to slip down the drain.

 Why bother when there was yet another person to hold up, another piece to the seemingly endless puzzle. Beth tore her gaze away from the punk rocker in front of her, her body acting of its own accord as she heads toward the tracks. She had to get out, screw her things, screw her lie of a life. The train comes barreling toward her as her foot hovers over the edge, so ready to leave, only to be yanked away at the last second.

 “Are you fucking crazy?!” A voice yells into her ear, a firm grip still latched onto her upper arm. “You trying to get yourself killed, you fucking twat?” The punk continued as Beth stares at the train rumbling to a stop.

 Beth blinks a few times, before turning her head to look over at the other woman, her distorted mirror image. “Why do you care, aren’t you more concerned about why we’re identical?” She growls, as though her nearly walking to her own death wasn’t an important issue.

 The punk lets out a snort as she shoves the woman away, arms folding over her chest. “Is it trippy? Hell yeah. But I think you trying to kill yourself is a little more important, don’t you?”

 Beth grinds her teeth together, nostrils flaring as she glares at the woman in front of her. “Whatever.” She huffs, turning on her heel to grab her things, tugging her heels back on before stomping back, grabbing her clone by the back of her leather jacket. “Come on, before people see us and think you’re a stripper.”

 The clone spits out a laugh, following the cop despite the insult to her appearance. “Says the one who looks like they’ve walked out of a Gap catalogue with a shitty ten dollar haircut.” She retorts, pleased with the snort she receives in reply.

 Beth ignores the woman as they walk, keeping a firm grip on her clone’s jacket the entire trip back to her house. “What’s your name?” She asks finally, releasing the leather from her grip as she fishes for her keys.

 “Sarah, why?” The punk responds, watching Beth unlock the door before dragging her inside. “Woah, woah, take a girl to dinner first.”

 Beth rolls her eyes, locking the door behind them before setting her things down. “I’m Beth Childs, you and I are clones.” She says in a bored tone, kicking her shoes off on her way to the kitchen. She grabs a bottle of scotch from the cupboard and two glasses.

 “Clones? You’re shittin’ me, right?” Sarah chuckles, leaving her boots on as she tracks who knows what onto Beth’s clean wood flooring.

 Beth frowns at her counterpart as she slides a glass over to her. “For fuck’s sake, take your boots off.” She huffs, downing the amber liquid in one smooth swallow. “We’re clones, yes. It’s stupid and impossible but it’s true. I’ll take you to meet two of the others in a few days, but for now you are going to stay put until I can figure shit out.”

 Sarah raises a brow at the woman across from her, a challenging look in her eyes. “I’m not doing shit. I have family I need to go and see, who the fuck are you to tell me where I can and can’t go?!” She asks in a dangerous tone, jaw clenching.

 The cop lets out a breath, finishing her second drink before slamming the glass onto the counter. “I don’t give two shits about where you have to be right now, we have someone who is hunting us down and unless you want you and your family to get killed, I suggest you shut the hell up and listen to me.”

 Sarah is a bit taken aback by the sudden harshness in Beth’s tone, the seriousness of what she was saying. “What do you mean we’re being hunted?” She asks, all annoyance with the other woman forgotten as the thought of putting her family at risk niggled away at her.

 “We don’t know who it is, or why they’re doing it, but they’ve been picking us off one by one.” Beth explains, pouring them both another glass. “You weren’t in any of the files that the German sent, so I can only assume they haven’t found out about you yet. I think we would all like to keep it that way.”

 Sarah grinds her teeth before nodding, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Alright, fine, can I use your phone, then? I need to get a hold of my brother. He’ll worry if he doesn’t hear from me soon.” She sighs, biting her lip as she looks to her counterpart.

 Beth smiles slightly, digging her phone out of her bag, sliding it over to the punk. “Here, just try not to be on for too long.” She says as she pads off toward the bedroom.

 She closes the door as Sarah dials, leaning against the cool wood for a moment before shaking her head. “Pull yourself together, Childs.” She murmurs to herself, stripping out of her works clothes and into a soft v-neck and sweats.

 Beth stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror: she looks aged beyond her years, the dark circles under her eyes only making her look paler. She runs the cold water for a moment before splashing some on her face, watching the drops fall from her chin before she opens her medicine cabinet. A wall of orange bottles awaits her shaking hands as she fingers through them until she finds her melatonin. She takes the small pill, ignoring the other bottles completely as she shut the cabinet once more.

 She could do this, she could make it without the pills. “I’ll clean it out tomorrow.” She murmurs to herself as she walks out, quietly watching Sarah talk on the phone.

“Yeah, I know, Fe. I’ll come and see you as soon as I can, just make sure you tell Kira I love her and that I’m coming to see her, okay? Mrs. S can suck my cock if she thinks she can keep my daughter from me.” Sarah huffs into the phone, leaning against the counter, head in her free hand.

 Beth’s brow furrows at the punk’s back as she moves toward her, leaning next to her clone. “Is your daugher adopted?” She asks once Sarah hangs up, nearly tossing the phone onto the counter.

 Sarah downs the rest of her drink before answering, a brow raised at the cop. “No, she’s my biological daughter, why?” She asks, confused by the surprised look on Beth’s face. “What?”

 “She’s biological? That’s impossible, all of us clones are infertile.” Beth explains, shaking her head as she stares at the woman in front of her. “I’m going to have to call Cosima in the morning, this is different... _you’re_ different.”

 Sarah blinks a few times, a look of confusion plastered across her face. “Slow your roll, what do you mean the clones are infertile? Who the hell is Cosima?” She asks, running a hand through her hair.

 “Right, sorry, I keep forgetting that you’re new to this.” Beth offers a small smile and a shrug of her shoulders before continuing. “Cosima is another clone. She also happens to be a PHD student and has been doing a lot of research on our biology at her university. The infertility has just been a common factor in all the clones I’ve met, until you that is, but I’m not sure what it all means, exactly.”

 The punk continues to stare for a few moments before shrugging her shoulders. “I suppose we’ll find out, won’t we.” She says finally, looking down to her bag and then back up to Beth. “You got somewhere I can sleep that isn’t your shitty couch?”

 Beth rolls her eyes, smiling softly. “I have a guest room, yes.” She says, nodding toward the only other door besides her own bedroom. “I have a question though, where on earth are you from? Because you sound like you’re from somewhere in England, but you also have an almost Scottish lilt when you say certain things and the obvious Canadian accent going on too...”

 Sarah snorts softly, smirking slightly. “Have to have some kind of mystery about me, right?” She winks, grabbing her bag. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out, detective.” She calls over her shoulder before disappearing into the guest room.

 Beth chuckles lowly, smiling at the closed door before heading to her own bed. “This should be fun.” She murmured, settling into the mattress. Thoughts of wild hair and smirking lips lulling her to into a dreamless sleep.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Sarah wakes with a start, head whipping around the unfamiliar room, heart hammering in her chest. “Christ..” She murmurs, placing a hand over her chest. She had been dreaming about her ex Vic and how he would surely be coming after her soon. “I need to get out of here...” She rationed, thinking of her clone’s safety as if it were second nature.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, she grabbed her things and quietly headed for the door, thinking that Beth wouldn’t be awake at four in the morning, but of course she was wrong. She could hear the shower in the other room as she crept to the front door, willing Beth to stay in the bathroom for just a few more minutes.

“I’m sorry.” Sarah mumbles, closing the door behind her with a soft click. She padded off the stoop before bolting down the sidewalk, boots thudding rhythmically against the concrete. She didn’t stop until she reached the stairs to her brother’s flat, only then did she take a moment to breathe. Thoughts of Beth’s conversation clouding her mind as she climbed the stairs, wondering if she had made the right decision.

There was no holding back, however, once she stood in front of Felix’s door, an overwhelming sense of being home overtook her senses as she knocked on the cool metal. It took a few moments before the door slid open, revealing a very tired, very grumpy looking man. His dark hair stuck up around the back of his head, bags hung dark under his eyes, and he wore nothing to hide his lithe figure but a flowered, silk robe that seemed like it was better off on someone of Sarah’s size.

Felix looks down at his sister with a look of confusion, lips pursed at the older woman. “Do you know what time it is?” He asks, a brow raised at his sibling as though he hadn’t been awake before she had knocked.

“Of course I do, dipshit.” She replies, pushing passed her brother, tossing her bag onto the couch as she goes. “I had some shit to do last night...but I needed to come and see you so, you can get over yourself.” She says, kicking her shoes off before flopping into his bed.

Felix lets out a sigh as he closes the door, locking it with the usual screwdriver, rolling his eyes as he makes his way to the bed as well. “I suppose you aren’t going to tell me about any of it.” He says, climbing in next to his sister, secretly pleased to have the woman home again.

“Maybe after a few more hours of sleep.” Sarah yawns, curling up on her side, bunching the blankets around herself. She feels a little uneasy, knowing she could potentially put her family in danger, but couldn’t bring herself to regret her decision to come home.

They’re awakened by the shrill tone of Felix’s cellphone ringing through the air, startling Sarah into an upright position. “Fuckin’ hell, Fe, answer your phone.” She groans, running a hand through her mess of hair.

Felix grumbles lowly, answering the phone with a gruff hello, only to frown. “Alright, keep your panties on.” He huffed and handed the phone over to Sarah, before pulling the blanket over his head. “Who the hell is Beth?” He mumbles finally.

Sarah lets out a sigh, before answering sheepishly. “Hey.” She murmurs, ignoring the way Felix shifts on the bed, trying to listen in.

“Don’t you hey me, where the fuck are you? I told you to stay put, do you want to put yourself in danger?” Beth’s harsh voice sounds from the receiver, making Sarah flinch slightly.

“Jesus, I just came to see my brother, I had to get out of your guest room, like shit yesterday was overwhelming, cut me some slack, asshole.” Sarah replies her tone just as sharp, she had never taken well to being yelled at.

Beth sighed over the line and Sarah could almost picture her pinching the bridge of her nose the same way she did anytime she was angry. “Look, Sarah, I get it, you want to be home, you want to feel safe, but you’re not doing yourself any favors by getting your family involved..at least let me figure things out before you go and see your daughter, okay? If these guys  find out about you or worse figure out that you can have children...it could be bad.”

They’re both quiet for a moment as Sarah thinks, finally the punk lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Alright, fine, but if we’re doing this I have to tell my brother, I can’t keep him in the shadows, why don’t we meet up somewhere safe and talk?”

There’s another awkward pause as Beth fights with her better judgement, before finally caving. “Fine, fine, meet me back at my place in an hour, we’ll figure some shit out, please be careful.”

Sarah can’t even answer before the line goes dead, leaving her to stare at her brother’s face which had popped out from under the blanket sometime during the exchange. “What was that about? What are you keeping me in the dark about?”

“You’ll see soon, come on get ready, we don’t have a lot of time.” Sarah says, her brain already on autopilot as she shuffles out of bed and heads to brush out her mess of hair.

Felix is left on a state of confusion until they arrive at the townhouse an hour later. “What are we doing here?” He asks, frowning at the well home.

“Be patient, yeah?” Sarah scoffs, knocking on the door. There’s a pause where you can hear a cupboard shut and feet padding across the wood floor, before the door swings open to a mirror image of Sarah. “Morning Detective.” The punk winks, ignoring the sounds of disbelief coming from her brother.

“Hey Trouble.” Beth replies as she ushers them in, shutting the door behind them firmly, locking the deadbolt before following them into the living room. “Please take your shoes off.” She sighs, looking tired and frustrated, staring the two down until they both kick their boots off. “Thank you.”

Felix is quiet long enough for Beth to pour them all a drink, before finally breaking the stubborn silence. “So, are either one of you going to explain why you two look alike, or am I just supposed to pretend this isn’t an issue?” He asks, brows raised at the two women.

“Sarah and I are clones, two of many actually.” Beth starts, looking to Sarah for a moment, before shrugging. “I’m supposed to be picking up some information from another like us, it’ll help explain some of this.”

Felix opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by his sister who looks far more excited than she should. “How many others are there?” She asks, hands clutching her drink.

Beth chuckles lowly, sipping at her drink as she mentally counts all of the faces like hers. “There are nine, including you, that we know about anyway, who knows how many are out there.” She shrugs, glancing at her watch.

“Got somewhere to be?” “Sarah asks, brows raised at her clone, a slight smirk on her face. Felix looked about half confused and half amazed at everything. “Or do you have time to answer some of Felix’s questions?”

“I need to get back to the station soon, I’ve got a hearing to go to, look Sarah you should stay here for a while, Felix is welcome to come and see you but I want to get a handle on things before you go and see Kira, okay?” Beth says, her voice soft.

“Wait, wait she’s actually a cop? I thought you were kidding when you called her detective..” Felix pipes in, brows furrowed at the woman.

Sarah lets out a chuckle, a smirk on her lips. “Yeah, she’s actually a cop, you know with as much as you get caught, I’m surprised you haven’t seen Beth before.” She teases, watching Beth check the time once more. “Alright, Beth, I’ll stay here and lay low for a bit, I’ll have Fe bring my stuff back over here.”

Beth nods before extending a hand to both of them. Felix looks at her like she might be contagious, grabbing her hand between two fingers and shaking it slightly. Sarah rolls her eyes, grabbing the offered hand firmly, giving it a nice shake before letting go. “Get to work, nerd.”

The cop pauses like she’s going to say something, but thinks better of it before turning on her heel and walking to the door. “Don’t break anything!” She calls over her shoulder, making Sarah grin as the door shuts.

“Well..that was a trip.” Felix mutters, running a hand through his hair, glancing at his sister who was now scavenging the fridge. “You seem completely unfazed, why?”

“I dunno, maybe my brain is in shock.” Sarah shrugs in reply, grabbing a container out of the fridge, grinning when she opens the lid. “Lasagna and it’s from two nights ago.” She taps the date written in a neat scrawl, humming to herself.

Felix rolls his eyes, watching his sister putter around the kitchen for a little while before shaking his head. “Alright, well I have things to see and people to do, so I’ll bring your stuff back later, alright?”

Sarah snorts, nodding while she pops the container into the microwave. “Yeah, yeah, please sex responsibly and all that jazz.” She chuckles, turning to smirk at her brother. “I don’t think you could afford catching another STI.”

“Oh shut up, like you haven’t had your fair share of ‘fun’ experiences.” Felix retorts, his cheeks stained pink. “Asshole.” He mutters, even as Sarah comes around the counter to wrap her arms around the man.

“I missed you.” She murmurs, squeezing him gently before letting go. “Now, stay out of trouble.”

Felix smiles down at Sarah, a slight smirk on his lips. “I miss you too, loser.”

She watches him leave, before letting her guard down, slumping against the counter as her food heats up. There had to be a way to see Kira, a way to see her and yet make sure she’s safe. “This is all a mess..”She mumbles as the microwave dings, even as she pulls the container out she knows she won’t be eating, she’s far too nervous now.

She’s asleep on the couch when Beth comes home, making the cop smile slightly as she walks through the door, kicking her shoes off in the foyer. “Sarah.” She says softly, setting the take out on the counter. “Sarah, wake up.”

Sarah grumbles as a cold hand is placed on the back of her neck, making her bunch the blankets up and around her head. “Leave me alone.” She huffs, a pout forming on her lips.

“I guess you don’t want sweet and sour chicken then.” Beth chuckles, moving away from the punk to dig through the bags on the counter. She can already tell Sarah is behind her before she hears her soft yawn. “Sit and I might share.”

The punk rolls her eyes but sits on the bar stool nonetheless, accepting the box of food with a tired smile. “Thanks.” She murmurs, flipping the lid to find noodles and chicken and a little tub of sauce. “How’d you know this was my favorite?”

“It’s mine too, I just assumed we might share the same tastes in food.” Beth grins, handing over a pair of chopsticks before digging into her own food. “Seems I was right.”

Sarah let out a grunt of approval as she stuffs her face, not realizing how hungry she was until there was food in her mouth. “I haven’t eaten all day.” She mutters off-handedly, trying to excuse the way she’s eating.

Beth’s brow furrows as she looks at the woman, taking a pause from eating as she speaks. “There’s food in the fridge, you could have helped yourself.” She offers, biting her lip as she observes the way Sarah slows to a stop. “Unless that’s not why you didn’t eat.”

Sarah takes a slow breath, sorting through the images in her head before snorting. “I just...I came back home to see my daughter and now I can’t even do that...” She lets out a soft sight, shoving the container away from herself.

“I’m sorry Sarah, I really wish I could speed things along, find a way to get you there without the danger...” Beth trails off, before slapping the table. “Actually, I might be able to have my friend help you out, just give me until tomorrow night, okay?”

Sarah tilts her head to the side, brows raised at the woman. “Okay, that’s not vague at all” She replies, confusion etched onto every feature.

“Just trust me.” Beth smiles warmly as she shrugs out of her jacket, revealing a red patch of skin with elegant script across her bicep.

“What’s that?” Sarah asks, leaning forward to read the words scrawled across the cop’s flesh. “Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness.” She reads aloud, smiling slightly.

“It’s one of my favorite quotes, I got it today...I figured after you saved me, well I must be a sign that I need to keep fighting so...” She pauses, glancing at the tattoo before smiling. “Thank you.”

Sarah can feel her cheeks burn, but can’t be bothered to care, there was just something in the way the cop smiled at her , that had Sarah feeling lighter than air. “Anybody would have done it, I mean...you’re a dipshit and all but someone else would have come along and rescued you.”

Beth chose not to argue, chose to keep her past to herself as she nodded at the punk, biting her lip a bit. “If you say so, Sarah.”


End file.
